Archive for the ‘Season 3’ Category

Abyssinia, Henry (3×24)

Thursday, November 15th, 2012

Season 3, Episode 24 (Season finale)

Episode #72

Broadcast: 03/18/1975

Written by: Everett Greenbaum & Jim Fritzell

Directed by: Larry Gelbart


The final episode for Wayne Rogers and McLean Stevenson.

During an O.R. session, Colonel Blake gets the news every G.I. dreams of hearing:  you’re going home.  Henry has earned enough points for a discharge home and can hardly believe it’s true.  He discusses calling Lorraine in Bloomington with Radar, but the time difference causes a problem.

Frank and Margaret are elated with the news, but only because Frank will take over command of the 4077th.  Frank, however, is anxious about being a leader, so Margaret tries to bolster his confidence by pinning a Colonel insignia on his uniform.

Henry finally calls Lorraine and breaks the good news, but the first thing out of her mouth is her want to re-cover the furniture.  Henry tells her he’ll be home in three days, but don’t tell anybody, for he wants them to make a grand entrance at their country club this weekend.

Henry is going through his belongings and finds a picture of Radar and him right after he removed Radar’s appendix.  Radar reminds Henry he saved his life and then adds he’s really going to miss him and he sees the Colonel as a father figure.  Henry, uncomfortable, asks him not to get “gushy.”  Radar presents Henry with a bullet key chain inscribed “To Colonel H.B. from Corp. O’R., Korea 1952.”  Choked up, Henry gives his company clerk a thermometer that belonged to his father.

For his final evening in Korea, Henry Radar, Trapper and Hawkeye have an authentic Korean dinner at Rosie’s Bar, complete with plenty of booze.  Henry is blitzed, but is able to tell the guys he’s really going to miss them and “I wish we could all go home together.”

As Korean barmaids hum “America the Beautiful”, Hawkeye and Trapper perform a mock ceremony relieving Henry of military rank and naming him “Mister Dr. Henry Blake” from this day forward.  They present hima gift of a handmade suit complete with silk tie.  Henry is touched and asks how they knew his size.  An equally inebriated Radar informs him he traced the Colonel in his sleep!

Assembly is called next day to give Henry a proper sendoff.  Henry, looking smashing in his new pinstriped suit, tells Frank he is now in charge of the camp.  Instead of reviewing the troops, Henry opts to simply say goodbye.  Quick farewells are given to Hawkeye, Trapper, and Father Mulcahy, who tells Henry “your work here will never be forgotten.”  Klinger is dressed like Carmen Miranda, impressing Henry enough to quip that outfit may actually earn the Section 8.

With two minutes till his chopper arrives, Henry bids everyone farewell and good luck, but Hawkeye whispers a suggestion to his Colonel as Trapper grins wildly.  Shrugging with a “Why not?”, Henry suddenly embraces Margaret and plants a long kiss on her, finishing with “It’s all yours, Frank.”

Henry’s chopper arrives with a wounded soldier which Henry instinctively tends to.  Hawkeye reminds Henry he’s been fired and tells his former boss to leave.  As Henry boards, he notices his faithful Radar in full salute and choking back tears.  Henry runs back to return the salute and growls, “You behave yourself, or I’m going to come back and kick your butt.”  The surrogate father and son embrace and Henry leaves the 4077th for the final time.

Later, a clearly distraught Radar staggers into an O.R. session to deliver a message:  Henry Blake’s airplane was shot down over the Sea of Japan, killing all aboard.  Shock and tears permeate the O.R. silently, save a lone instrument that clatters on the floor.




Radar: Colonel?
Henry: Yo?
Radar: Do you know what I found in this morning’s mail?
Henry: Now that’s a tough one.  Hum a few bars, will you, Radar?
Radar: You’re going home.
Henry: I’m going home?
Radar: You got all your points.  They’re discharging you.


Frank: I just wish I’d taken ROTC in school. I wasted so much time in the stamp club.
Margaret: I thought you were president.
Frank: Well, it wasn’t leadership. They needed someone to lick the stamps and I had the biggest tongue.


Radar: I just wanted to say that I’m really gonna miss you.  Um, you know, my own father didn’t have me until he was 63.  And, uh, first time we played peek-a-boo together, he had a stroke.
Henry: Look, Radar, don’t get gushy, OK?  You know how I am.


Henry: There’s a picture of you and me, Radar.
Radar: Oh, that’s right after you took out my appendix.
Henry: Hm. You were one sick kid. You know I looked for that thing till 4 in the morning? It was behind your caecum.
Radar: Oh, I didn’t put it there on purpose, sir.


Frank: Let’s get into uniform and play “Assembly”, soldier.
Radar: Sir, I’m getting a cold sore.
Frank: Well, Captain Ahab only had one leg!
Radar: Well, he wasn’t in the army, sir.  He was a whale guy.


Frank: You didn’t even shave!
Hawkeye: It’s not a school day.


Henry: So long, Hawk.
Hawkeye: I’m afraid just a handshake won’t do it, Henry.  [kisses both his cheeks]
Henry: Trap, thanks for the outfit, it’s really dressy.
Trapper: Henry, that suit is really you.
Hawkeye: If you’re Adolphe Menjou.


Henry (to Radar): You behave yourself or I’m gonna come back and kick your butt!


Trapper: Radar, put a mask on.
Hawkeye: If that’s my discharge, give it to me straight.  I can take it.
Radar: I have a message.  Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake’s plane was shot down over the Sea of Japan.  It spun in.  There were no survivors.




The final episode of the third season and the last to feature Wayne Rogers as Trapper and McLean Stevenson as Henry.  Wayne Rogers didn’t announce his intention to leave M*A*S*H until the season’s filming completed, so no special goodbye was ever prepared for him.  McLean Stevenson let the show’s producers know he was leaving, so they decided to send him off in a dramatic fashion that was a foreshadow of the rest of the series.  From this point on, M*A*S*H slowly evolved into a more dramatic show with comedy taking more and more of a back seat until the finale in 1983.

The term “Abyssinia” is a slang term meaning “I’ll be seeing you”, and was spoken by Henry in the “Private Charles Lamb” episode as he’s hanging up with the Greek Colonel.

Radar tells Henry it’s now 1:00pm in Bloomington, IL.  South Korea is 15 hours ahead of the U.S. central time zone, so it should be 4:00am, Thursday morning at M*A*S*H, but daylight is clearly seen out Henry’s office window.

Henry’s mother-in-law went to a party dressed as Conrad Nagel, who was a matinee idol of the silent film era (1910′s and 1920′s) with an extensive film list from 1918 to 1959.

Henry’s final words to his wife:  “We’ll just walk into the country club Saturday night, start dancing, and let ‘em all cheer.”  The phone line then went dead.

While discussing trees at Rosie’s, Hawkeye remarks “Thank God for Joyce Kilmer.”  Kilmer was an American writer and poet best remembered for the poem “Trees” published in 1914.  Joyce Kilmer is a man (I just learned this!)

Frank refers to Captain Ahab, who is a character from Herman Melville’s epic Moby Dick.  He is captain of the Pequod who seeks revenge on the whale that bit off his leg.

To play “Assembly” on the bugle, Radar admits he plays “Sleepy Lagoon” fast.  Written by British composer Eric Coates in 1930, bandleader and trumpeter Harry James took “Sleepy Lagoon” to the top of the charts in 1942.

Klinger’s dress looks like it is already zipped up when he lines up in formation.

Adolphe Menjou:  another matinee idol from the silent film era, Menjou was known for his suave and debonair appearance.  He was voted best-dressed man in America nine times.

When Henry kisses Margaret, her right hand is behind her head.  Next scene, her right hand is on Henry’s back.

The instrument falling in a loud clatter on the O.R. floor was an accident, but was kept in the final print because it fit the scene so well.

The tag, removed for syndication, features various clips of McLean Stevenson as Henry Blake, introduced with the simple, “MASH 4077 bids Henry Blake a reluctant and affectionate farewell.”

McLean Stevenson left M*A*S*H because he wanted to be the star of a show instead of being part of an ensemble plus various disagreements with the production staff.  Stevenson went on to star in the TV series The McLean Stevenson Show, In the Beginning, Hello, Larry, and Condo, all of them bombs that didn’t last more than one season.  McLean Stevenson later said leaving M*A*S*H was a mistake and even wondered if Henry Blake could be found alive in Japan, sole survivor of the plane crash.  Alas, it was not to be.  McLean Stevenson died of a heart attack in 1996.

Wayne Rogers left M*A*S*H because he also had differences of opinion with the production team, but was tired of seeing his character reduced from Hawkeye’s equal to sidekick.  In the M*A*S*H novel and movie, Trapper was the prominent character and chief surgeon.  Upset that Alan Alda was getting the best scenes and lines, he abruptly departed the series during mid-1975, thus no goodbye episode or language was prepared.  Rogers starred in House Calls from 1979 to 1982 on CBS which usually aired right after M*A*S*H on Monday nights.  He is now a very successful investor and money manager, often appearing on the Fox Business Channel.

This is certainly a classic episode, easily the most popular 30-minute installment of M*A*S*H.  I will be in the minority in this opinion, but outside of the final 5 minutes, I think this episode is rather forgettable.  The final 5 minutes was superb and some of the best scenes ever filmed on M*A*S*H, but the rest of the episode drags in many places.

The decision to kill off Henry Blake was very controversial at the time, and CBS field a lot of angry mail over the episode.   According to Wikipedia, the next episode of the CBS program The Carol Burnett Show opened with a scene of McLean Stevenson portraying Colonel Blake, in a lifeboat saying he was OK.

White Gold (3×23)

Monday, November 12th, 2012

Season 3, Episode 23

Episode #71

Broadcast: 03/11/1975

Written by: Larry Gelbart & Simon Muntner

Directed by: Hy Averback


Thieves break into the supply building to steal penicillin.  Their clumsiness makes noise, alerting Klinger, who has guard duty.  Two thieves escape, but the other is stopped by Klinger, but his purse gets caught in the trigger.  As the thief grabs the rifle, he keeps the growing crowd at bay until Father Mulcahy inadvertently hits him with his tent door. allowing Klinger to capture him.

The thief, Corporal Perkins, is patched up by Hawkeye and Trapper and stays mum about the theft.

Everyone’s favorite CIA operative, Colonel Flagg, arrives to investigate the theft.  He demands Hawkeye and Trapper sign Perkins’s medical discharge papers, but they refuse, stating they’d rather interrogate him verbally to see if there’s a penicillin ring.

Flagg pays a visit to Perkins who is recuperating solo in a tent, guarded by a pipe-smoking Frank Burns.  Flagg tells Frank to leave so he can be alone with Perkins, but then surprisingly, tells Perkins to escape.  Flagg then busts up the tent, making it appear a savage fight took place, and caps off the charade by running his head into a storage cabinet.  Flagg needs stitches, so Hawkeye and Trapper take care of him, but don’t believe Flagg was injured by Perkins.

Later, as the Captains wonder what Flagg could be up to, Klinger bursts into the Swamp and tells them there’s another thief in the supply building.  The three of them sneak into the building and capture the thief – Colonel Flagg!  As Flagg gets patched up again (Hawk and Trap are busy!), he admits he is stealing penicillin to sell to the North Koreans in exchange for information.  He also admits he is leaving next morning – with the stolen penicillin.

Next day, the MPs deliver Perkins to Colonel Blake for confirmation this is the man caught stealing penicillin.  It turns out Perkins’s real name is Johnson and he’s a medic with the 415th Infantry.  Johnson tells Colonel Blake they aren’t given enough penicillin to treat the wounded, so they have to resort to stealing it or purchasing from stateside facilities or the black market.  Frank wants Perkins/Johnson “flogged”, but Blake declines to press charges and suggests he ask next time he needs penicillin.

Perkins/Johnson is whisked out of camp before Flagg sees him.  Trapper and Hawkeye search for Flagg, finding him in the mess tent.  As Trapper distracts him, Hawkeye slips a couple mickeys in Flagg’s coffee.  Igor watches the drugging, but Hawkeye passes them off as “vitamins.”

Flagg develops cramps and doubles over in pain, giving Hawkeye and Trapper the opportunity to perform an appendectomy, an unnecessary procedure, but will keep the Colonel out of action for a week or two.




Flagg: Don’t cross me, Colonel.  We know where your family lives.
Henry: Hey, I’m an American, too, fella.
Radar: Yeah!
Flagg: Quiet, or I’ll use you to clean a cannon!


Henry: Just get this signed by the attending doctors, Pierce and McIntyre.
Flagg: Pierce and McIntyre.  Oh, yes…[checks his notepad]
Henry: [stealing a glance] Red marks next to their names?
Flagg: Unfriendlies.
Henry: Yellow next to mine?
Flagg: Work on it.


Trapper: You’re gonna kill yourself!
Flagg: If I have to.
Trapper: Hey, that’s the spirit.
Hawkeye: If we had more men like you, we’d have less men like you.
Flagg: My orders are to do whatever I have to do to break up this penicillin ring.  I have written permission to die in the attempt.


Hawkeye: Level with us, Flagg.  That Perkins kid didn’t do all that damage to you.
Flagg: His name’s not Perkins.
Hawkeye: All right, Goldberg.
Flagg: I’m Goldberg.
Trapper: Gee, the next time you come here, I wish you’d pass out programs.
Hawkeye: All right, gist wrap him.  [Trapper bandages Flagg's head.]  You want something for the pain?  I mean to increase it, so you can really enjoy it!


Margaret (about Flagg): He’s CIA!
Hawkeye: I wouldn’t care if he was COD.
Trapper: Then we could refuse him.


Frank (about Flagg): He ordered me to leave! He’s a superior officer!
Henry: He’s a superior psycho! His head’s so twisted he’s got to screw his cap on!


Frank (to Margaret): It was a simple appendectomy.  If your breath gets any hotter, you’ll singe his chest.




Interesting camera angles at the beginning of the episode.  Shot on the Fox sound-stage, we see the thieves skulk behind the tents of Father Mulcahy, Margaret and the nurses.

I love how Perkins rolls his eyes when he overhears Frank tell Margaret, “How do these snaps open?”

Frank tells Margaret their evening together is ruined because “they’ve been fooling around with my coffee again.  This is a reference to saltpeter, a nickname for potassium nitrate.  It’s been rumored for years the military laced food and/or coffee with saltpeter to keep male troops impotent.

The cardboard box procured from Supply by Perkins has a yellow label reading “U.S. Army Supply Depot”

Where exactly did Perkins get his ribs busted?  Klinger’s takedown with the his mink stole hardly looked rough enough to damage his ribs.

Take note of the half-lit face and maniacal expression on Flagg when he growls, “Now…what time can I have him?” to Henry.  This is psycho Flagg at his best.

Hawkeye raises a martini in toast to “Rabbi Goldberg” and says L’chaim” which means “To life” in Hebrew and is a toast used in drinking to a person’s health.

Trapper tells Flagg the last time he was in camp, he broke his own arm.  This is a reference to “A Smattering of Intelligence” (2×24), the final episode of season 2.  Actually, the last time Flagg was in camp was “Officer of the Day” (3×03) when there were no limbs broken, but he had a suspected North Korean guerrilla in need of surgery.  However, in both “Officer of the Day” and “White Gold”, Flagg demands Pierce and McIntyre sign a release form for a person he wants to interrogate.

Frank smoking a pipe?  He’s never been shown smoking before.

It looks like Perkins is being held in the VIP tent.  That’s the only explanation for there being a telephone in the room, though there never has been one there before.

Nice touch having circus music and drum roll as Flagg launches himself headfirst into the storage cabinet.  Background music would be phased out of M*A*S*H episodes for being too unrealistic.

Frank’s wedding ring is back to being MIA again.

Hawkeye makes a reference to the “land of nod.”  This is a reference to the Bible and Genesis 4:16 – And Cain went out from the presence of the LORD and dwelt in the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.  Cain was exiled to Nod for murdering his brother, Abel.

Whenever Flagg is around, the name “Perkins” shows up a lot.  In “A Smattering of Intelligence”, his alias is Perkins; in “Officer of the Day”, he thinks Pierce’s name is Perkins; in “White Gold”, the medic sought by Flagg is named Perkins, though his real name is Johnson.  What’s with Flagg and the name “Perkins”?

Hilly Hicks played Perkins/Johnson.  He will reprise his role (sort of) as a medic in season 5′s “Post-Op” but this time his name is Corporal Jerris Moody.  Maybe he is CIA, too?

This is the first of two times Hawkeye uses the guise of an appendectomy to take a reckless officer out of commission.  He will do this again in season 7′s “Preventative Medicine”.  The main difference between the two episodes is Trapper (and Henry, I’d say) is a willing participant, but BJ will be incensed Hawkeye negates his Hippocratic oath.  Hawkeye shows no remorse in “White Gold” but shows remorse in “Preventative Medicine.”

Pay Day (3×22)

Monday, November 12th, 2012

Season 3, Episode 22

Episode #70

Broadcast: 03/04/1975

Written by: Regier & Markowitz

Directed by: Hy Averback


The eagle screams today, for it’s pay day at the 4077th and Hawkeye, as pay officer, is the “genial host.”  Before the pay is doled out, Radar reads Hawkeye a long list of instructions, ending with the pay officer being wholly responsible for an overage or underage of funds.  Radar provides the officers their pay and Hawkeye finishes the enlisted with $10 left over.  Radar asks for his help filling out the form to return the $10, but instead Hawkeye wants the Army to know he’s lost $3,000 from his civilian practice.

Pay day usually results in poker games and a big one breaks out in the supply building with Trapper, Zale, Igor, Lieutenant Nelson (Pat Marshall) and others in attendance.  Trapper is quickly down $500 and Zale helpfully suggests reenlisting to get the bonus.

Quoc (Jack Soo), a local merchant, visits Frank at the Swamp to entice him with his wares.  A string of pearls interests the Major, who pays Quoc $500 for the strand plus gets a free imitation set thrown in by Quoc for that “someone on the side.”  Quoc then visits Margaret in her tent.  She, too, is interested in the cheap pearls, but Quoc says he can have another strand in an hour, for another Major bought his last one plus a “$500 job for his wife.”

After receiving a delivery from HQ, Radar presents Hawkeye with an envelope with the “three thousand dollars you asked for.”  He wrote down everything Hawkeye told him about lost wages, submitted a form, and the Army actually paid the $3,000 – and returns the extra $10.  Hawkeye, incredulous, refuses the money, but Radar intimates he should just keep it.

Frank presents Margaret with the pearls he bought for her, passing them off as a purchase from a jewelry store at the Chosun Hotel in Seoul.  Margaret tells him real pearls feel rough across the teeth and this strand is the real thing.  Frank is in panic mode as Margaret hugs him for being so extravagant.

Hawkeye gives the $3,010 to Father Mulcahy and asks him to give it to Sister Theresa’s orphanage.  Mulcahy is flabbergasted to receive so large a donation and tells Hawkeye he should be a saint.

Frank follows Margaret to the showers in hopes of getting his pearls back.  She is proudly wearing them, but lets it be known she will take them off before showering.  As Frank surreptitiously switches the strands, Captain Sloan (of  “The Incubator” fame) makes a return visit, seeking the three thousand dollars.

Meanwhile, Trapper is out a lot of money at poker.  He tries to hit up Frank and Hawkeye for a loan, but gets rejected.  Trapper feigns defeat and announces he’ll just have to fold his hand as he sneaks Hawkeye’s watch into his pocket.

Sloan tracks down Hawkeye and tells him he is “$3,000 deep in trouble.”  Sloan demands the money be returned, and once he learns Father Mulcahy gave the money to the orphanage (in the middle of the night?), tells the padre he’ll be preaching in the stockade.  Sloan goes to tell Henry, who is now part of the poker game, he is arresting Hawkeye.

Trapper is on a hot streak thanks to the theft of Hawkeye’s watch.  Once Hawkeye learns Trapper’s huge win – coincidentally $3,008 – is on account of his watch, he snatches the winnings and gives it all to Sloan to avoid imprisonment.  Sloan returns the extra $8, which Hawkeye quickly claims as a watch rental fee.




Frank: Next time, stand a little closer to the razor when you shave.
Klinger: My knees get in the way.


Henry: I don’t look old enough to be his [Radar] father, do I?
Nurse: No, sir.
Henry: I never been sure, you know.  I spent a week in his hometown, once.


Frank: Are you just gonna sit there and go over my head?
Hawkeye: Frank, if I could yawn with my mouth closed, you’d have no idea how boring you really are.
Frank: Oh…phooey to youey!


Quoc: I got some pearls here.  The oysters cried when they gave them up.
Frank (handling pearls): Those are real beauts.
Quoc: The Major knows the best.
Frank: Of course I know the best.  I’m an American, after all.


Quoc: I sold the last set to a major a couple of tents down. I can get you the same in an hour.
Margaret: A major? Major Burns?
Quoc: I don’t know his name. He had what we call in Korea a real fertilizer face.


Henry: Klinger, you are lower than a pregnant snail!




The pay line for enlisted contains many nurses.  All nurses are, at minimum, lieutenants, so they are officers and Radar should be providing their pay, not Hawkeye.

Father Mulcahy probably isn’t going to make much money with those sorry offerings at his rummage sale.

This marks Jack Soo’s second and last appearance.  He was in “To Market, To Market” (1×02) as a high-placed black marketeer and portrays a slovenly local peddler this time.

Surprising statement from Henry, wondering if he could be Radar’s father because he once spent a week in Ottumwa.  Where did that comment come from?  Radar has said he is 19 so if Henry was in Ottumwa 20 years ago, it could be possible.  Though there is about 25-30 years between Henry and Radar, at the time of this episode’s filming (late 1974/early 1975), McLean Stevenson was 47 years old and Gary Burghoff was 31.

The band on Klinger’s black hat worn in the mess tent says SALVATION ARMY.

How come the officers don’t have to sign for their pay, but enlisted do?

Frank is wearing his wedding ring, something we’ve never seen him wear before.

Hawkeye jokes about being from Krypton which, of course, is the home planet of Superman.

Bobbie Mitchell plays the nurse Hawkeye romances.  She appeared frequently in seasons 2 and 3, but will not appear again until episode 101, “Out of Sight, Out of Mind” in season 5.

Pat Marshall played Lieutenant Nelson, the bespectacled female at the poker game.  She is Larry Gelbart’s wife and is making her one and only M*A*S*H appearance.

Henry’s pay is $831.75 and Klinger makes $477 in three months.

This is Klinger’s first attempt to bribe his CO for a discharge.  He will try unsuccessfully with Colonel Potter, too.

The liquor bottle on Henry’s desk is sour mash whiskey.

Klinger says “bribery is as American as toreador pants.”  Toreador pants are women’s tight-fitting calf-length pants.

Chosun Hotel:  a real hotel in Seoul, it was built in 1914 and is now known as the Westin Chosun.

The Officers Club is empty the night of pay day?  Highly unlikely…

Frank is wearing his wedding ring all episode, but the hands that swap the pearls in the shower are ringless.

Hawkeye calls Trapper “Ravenal” at the poker game.  This is a reference to Gaylord Ravenal, a compulsive riverboat gambler and lead character from the novel and film Show Boat.

The time frame of this episode is confusing.  It appears to happen all in the same day with Henry in scrubs and the poker game occurring all episode.  Hawkeye also refers to having a date with a nurse after giving out the pay.  So how did the extra $3,000 show up that evening and Sloan shows up later that night to retrieve it? Furthermore, Hawkeye gives the $3,010 to Father Mulcahy very late in the evening and Mulcahy must drive to the orphanage immediately, because Sloan arrives about 2:30am and the money is already gone.  At the poker game, with Sloan in attendance, Nelson mentions it’s 3:00 in the morning.

Big Mac (3×21)

Tuesday, November 6th, 2012

Season 3, Episode 21

Episode #69

Broadcast: 02/25/1975

Written by: Laurence Marks

Directed by: Don Weis


Big news:  General Douglas MacArthur is going to visit the 4077th because the unit has the most impressive medical record in Korea.  Henry is bursting at the seams, confiding in Radar, “This is the biggest thing that’s ever happened to me” and dreams of the headlines in the Bloomington paper.

Colonel Whiteman, from MacArthur’s staff, arrives to brief the medical staff about the General’s impending visit.  He had encountered Klinger at the first sentry post and pointedly tells Henry not to have him stationed when MacArthur arrives.  Whiteman has a strict minute-by-minute itinerary and feels an operation for MacArthur to view is a good way to wrap up the visit.  Frank volunteers for the operation, so Hawkeye suggests a hysterectomy be performed on the Major.

Preparations are made for the General’s arrival:  Spalding is writing a song to commemorate the occasion, Radar is decorating the VIP with 5-star touches, and Frank…is burning books.  Hawkeye stops “Dr. Hitler” and informs him MacArthur is going to see the camp for what it really is and saves the books from a fiery demise.

Henry arranges for Klinger to take three days of  R&R in Tokyo during MacArthur’s visit, but Klinger demurs, hoping to get an immediate discharge from the General.  Henry threatens tent arrest and tying Klinger to his tent pole if he stays in camp.

Frank and Margaret inspect the VIP tent, which has been converted into a 5-star shrine, complete with flags, bunting, and an enormous blow-up photo of the General.  They’re so caught up in the glamor and power of the furnishings, they make love on MacArthur’s bed, Margaret even calling out the name “Doug.”

A dress rehearsal is staged with Radar standing in as a pint-size MacArthur.  True to form, Klinger interrupts the rehearsal with his crazy schtick, claiming he needs to rehearse too!  As Klinger is dragged off, an announcement is made MacArthur has passed the first checkpoint and will arrive in seconds.

A sloppy formation is hastily assembled (including Radar still dressed like MacArthur) and the General and his detail  drive through the compound.  And they keep driving.  Big Mac never stops to greet the 4077th, but takes time to give a smart salute to Klinger dressed as the Statue of Liberty on the road leaving camp.




Frank: Need some help, Pierce?
Hawkeye: No, thanks. I’d rather save the patient.


Frank: I’ve been a practicing surgeon for 12 years!
Hawkeye: When do you think you’ll be ready to operate?


Henry: (on the phone with Whiteman) What’s that, sir? The 19th, Colonel? The 19th. Now, let me see. The 19th would… That would be between the 18th and the 20th, if I’m any judge of 19ths. Yes, sir. Uh, yes, sir, we’ll be ready. Oh, uh, and Colonel, let me just add that this is an honor that thrills me right down to my toenails.


Colonel Whiteman: I’m sure you must all be excited with the idea of meeting our supreme commander.
Trapper: I’m thrilled beyond repair.
Hawkeye: My bellybutton’s been puckering and unpuckering all day.


Colonel Whiteman: The General eats the same food as served to men in the field.
Hawkeye: Does he like his ice cream on top of his beef stew like us?


Frank: I think the Colonel might like to know that Major Houlihan’s father was under General MacArthur in the cavalry.
Hawkeye: (to Trapper) Her father was a horse. Did you know that?
Trapper: (to Margaret) Our engagement is off!
Colonel Whiteman: Now then, after lunch…
Hawkeye: And the barfing thereof.
Colonel Whiteman: To proceed. The general’s visit is a tribute to your unit’s efficiency. A demonstration of your function would be most apropos.
Hawkeye: We could do an operation for him.
Henry: Pierce…
Frank: Don’t be a simp!
Margaret: We operate every day. Perhaps the general would like to observe our surgeons at work.
Trapper: Yeah, with a stitch-by-stitch commentary.
Hawkeye: After a big finish, a post-op infection.
Colonel Whiteman: It has possibilities, Colonel.
Henry: Well, that’s just what I was thinking. I mean, it’d be a real eye-popper.
Frank: (raising his hand) Colonel?
Colonel Whiteman: Yes.
Frank: Um, as adjutant and Assistant Chief Surgeon, I’d like to volunteer for that operation.
Margaret: How splendid, Major.
Henry: Very good, Frank.
Trapper: Lovely.
Hawkeye: Then it’s agreed. We’ll do a hysterectomy on Major Burns.


Hawkeye: Frank, you burn one more book, I’m gonna give you a dancing lesson in the minefield. Now knock it off, gnat brain!
Frank: General of the Army, General Douglas MacArthur, your supreme commander, is going to inspect you, fella!
Trapper: Genuflect when you say that, pal!
Hawkeye: And he’s gonna find us just the way we are. And what we are. Draftee doctors. A little gamey and dazed from crawling inside people trying to keep them breathing.


Henry: Klinger, the one thing that General MacArthur may not understand at a military hospital four miles from the front, is a flower girl with a five-o’clock shadow.


Margaret: At home on the mantel, we have a picture he autographed.  “Best wishes to my friend, ‘Howitzer’ Al Houlihan.  Knock ‘em dead, fella.”
Frank: That’s so warm, so human.




This marks Captain Spalding’s third and final appearance on M*A*S*H

Pantagraph:  the daily newspaper of Bloomington, IL

Hawkeye mentions performing a hysterectomy on Frank.  A hysterectomy is an operation to remove a woman’s uterus.

Diogenes:  ancient Greek philosopher who advocated simple living, and according to legend, wandered the streets of Athens in daytime holding a lantern and searching for an honest man.

Books to be burned by Frank:  Plato’s Republic, The Life of Red Grange, Robinson Crusoe, and a book by Norman Mailer.  The book is never mentioned by name, but when Frank says, “It’s got that word in it!”, it’s very likely a reference to The Naked and the Dead.  Mailer coined the word “fug” to replace the four-letter vulgarity for sexual intercourse in The Naked and the Dead which caused controversy when published in 1948.

Kate Smith:  portly American singer known for patriotic songs and her signature rendering of “God Bless America.”

Hawkeye mentions he is in charge of entertainment and drops a hint he has something big planned.  Is this a reference to Klinger’s Statue of Liberty costume, or perhaps he had something more devious, but since MacArthur never stopped in camp, we’ll never know?

The pan of MacArthur’s tent shows Truman’s framed portrait at the lower left of the blow-up photo of MacArthur, but when Frank and Margaret walk over there, the Truman photo is now at the lower right.

Hardly a minute passes between Klinger getting dragged off for pestering the fake MacArthur (Radar) and his appearance as the Statue of Liberty.  Where did he find the time to get dressed, propped up, and have the sparklers lit?



Love and Marriage (3×20)

Monday, November 5th, 2012

Season 3, Episode 20

Episode #68

Broadcast: 02/18/1975

Written by: Arthur Julian

Directed by: Lee Philips


Frank is his usual bungling self in the O.R.  He knocks an instrument out of the orderly Mr. Kwang’s (Soon Tek-Oh) hand and then yells at him for being clumsy.  Later, in the scrub room, Trapper and Hawkeye stick up for Kwang which makes Frank ask why they don’t compliment American boys like the orderly McShane (Dennis Dugan).

Kwang is upset, so the Captains invite him to the Swamp for martinis.  Kwang tells them how he was shanghaied into the ROK army, picked up medical skills at the 121st evacuation hospital, and was pleased to be transferred to the 4077th.  However, he laments he has not seen his wife since his “drafting”, so Hawkeye and Trapper tell him they’ll arrange a 3-day pass for him.

The Captains are conducting the premarital physicals for the G.I.s and their Korean fiances.  As Radar uses his conniving ways to get Henry to sign the 3-day pass, McShane and his “bride” arrive for physicals, but the doctors immediately recognize the woman as a two-war veteran of Rosie’s Bar.  Hawkeye and Trapper take McShane aside and advise he delay marriage and wait a couple of months.  McShane claims they are in love and want to marry right away, but agrees to a two-week wait.

A poker game in the Swamp with Hawkeye, Trapper, Henry, Radar and Zale soon turns into an officers vs. enlisted discussion, for Radar and Zale think the Captains should butt out and let McShane get married if he wants to.  The poker party hear distant angry voices in the compound followed by a gunshot.  Frank enters and says Kwang had a “forged” pass, ran off when Frank removed him from a Seoul-bound truck, and he fired a warning shot to make Kwang come back.

Next day, Hawkeye and Trapper are visited by Dr. Pak (Jerry Fujikawa), a local quack who performs phony operations and passes off hair cream as penicillin.  Pak announces he is in the marriage brokering business and offers the Captains $250 each if they will OK the physical of Soong Hi, the prostitute betrothed to McShane.  After the wedding, Soong Hi will go stateside and “work” for some associates of Pak’s.  Pak promises more money later, for he had to pay McShane $1,000 to get married.

Hawkeye and Trapper chase off Pak and run into Kwang, who’s being led away by two M.P.s for desertion.  The Captains present Kwang’s case to Henry, showing him the pass he signed.  Though Henry does not remember signing it, he will get the desertion charges dropped, but will not allow Kwang a pass.  Kwang’s wife is about to have their first child, so Hawkeye, Radar and a driver take a long journey by bus to bring her to the 4077th.

Trapper has a meeting with McShane and tells him he’s aware of the whole scam.  After some digging, Trapper gets McShane to admit he is only doing this to make some extra money.  A timely x-ray is delivered to Trapper confirming the future Mrs. McShane has tuberculosis, so the wedding deal is off.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Kwang goes into labor on the bus and Radar is a hysterical wreck.  Hawkeye delivers the baby and they all return safely to camp, although the “specialist”, Radar, has passed out and is carried off the bus on a stretcher.

Mr. Kwang names his son after all those who helped him:  Radar Benjamin Franklin Trapper John Henry Kwang.




Henry: You know you’re a good surgeon.
Frank: Of course I know I’m a terrific surgeon.
Henry: Who said terrific?  I said fair.
Frank: You said “good.”


Kwang: At that moment, I realized I’d volunteered.
Trapper: Yeah, we’ve heard a lot about those draft board trucks
Hawkeye: They get about 22 recruits to the gallon.


Kwang: I have only one regret in being sent here.
Hawkeye: What is it?  We’re publishing a catalog…


Trapper: [referring to McShane's future bride] Haven’t we seen her somewhere before?
Hawkeye: Yeah, at Rosie’s Bar.  She’s been on that same stool through two wars with a change maker in her purse.


Trapper: Where did you meet this woman?
McShane: She’s hardly a woman, sir, she’s only 21 years old.
Hawkeye: Her mascara’s older than that.


Hawkeye (to Dr. Pak): Still doing those phony operations with the fake stitches?
Trapper: And using hair cream for penicillin?
Hawkeye: I examined one of your patients, Doctor. He still had pneumonia, but I must say, you cleared up his dandruff.


Hawkeye: I’m gonna need your help.
Radar: (panicked) But I’m no good at delivering babies! When the cat had kittens they sent me to the movies!
Hawkeye: Radar, there’s nothing to it. It’s a natural experience.
Radar: So’s fainting!


Hawkeye: She’s about to give birth.
Radar: Right here!? On this bus!? In front of me!
Hawkeye: Yes, right here on this bus! What do I do, give her a transfer? Tell her to wait?


Radar: Um, shouldn’t I get some hot water or something?
Hawkeye: There’s no time for that.
Radar: I’d be very glad to get out and look for some.  Maybe there’s a hot river near here, like at Yellowstone.




Soon Tek-Oh makes his M*A*S*H debut as Dr. Kwang, the orderly often seen in the O.R.  He appears in five episodes and will be next seen in season 4′s “The Bus”.

The Student Prince:  The longest running Broadway show of the 1920′s, this operetta by Sigmund Romberg first opened in 1924.  It was remade as a movie in 1954 with Ann Blyth and Edmund Purdon, so this was likely another reference to a movie released after the Korean War.

Dennis Dugan:  first of two appearances on M*A*S*H, he won’t show up again until season 11′s “Strange Bedfellows” when he portrays Potter’s unfaithful son-in-law.  Dugan later partnered with Adam Sandler in the late 1990′s and directed most of the comedian’s movies.

Why would Zale stand pat on two pair and not try to get a full house?  He was bluffing, I suppose, but I would have taken one card.

Donald O’Connor and Peggy Ryan:  song and dance team who made many movies for Universal in the 1940′s.

Blake’s signature has a fat “k” and a skinny “a”.

The Good Earth:  Pulitzer Prize-winning book from 1932 about life in a Chinese village.  Turned into a movie in 1937.

Tuberculosis:  bacterial infection of the lungs

The line “Where were you when they were teaching this in school?” spoken by Hawkeye to Radar on the bus is overdubbed, for there is no echo like the rest of their dialogue.




Aid Station (3×19)

Friday, November 2nd, 2012

Season 3, Episode 19

Episode #67

Broadcast: 02/11/1975

Written by: Larry Gelbart & Simon Muntner

Directed by: William Jurgensen


Replacements are needed at an aid station and the 4077th is selected to provide a surgeon, scrub nurse and corpsman until regulars are assigned.  Henry admits this is a dangerous assignment and requests volunteers.  Margaret agrees to go, but no doctor volunteers, so burnt sausages are drawn from a bedpan to make the decision.  Hawkeye is selected and Father Mulcahy picks a personnel card at random to select the corpsman:  Klinger.

Each say their goodbyes:  Klinger makes arrangements with Radar to dispense the Klinger Collection in case he doesn’t return; Margaret gives Frank her “independent Margaret” soliloquy before giving him a hard kiss on the lips; Hawkeye shares a drink with Trapper and tells him he has a will in his locker.

The trio head off for the aid station without incident, save for a flat tire changed by Margaret.  The aid station barely resembles a medical facility – the red cross on the roof was blown away by enemy fire.  They meet Dever, the lead medic, and prepare a makeshift triage and operating room which is literally out in the open.  Artillery shells crash all around and wounded soon pour in, making the anemic working conditions even worse.  Margaret is pressed into surgical duty while Klinger doubles as a nurse.

Back at camp, tension is causing frayed nerves.  Frank needs Henry’s help to close an incision; a nervous Radar get’s Trapper’s permission to sleep in Hawkeye’s bunk; an agitated Henry pays a late night visit for a nightcap and keeps everyone awake with his rambling.

All’s quiet overnight at the aid station, where all are sleeping except Hawkeye and Margaret.  Margaret is nervous about snipers, so an exhausted Hawkeye bunks down next to her, sharing a blanket.

Next morning, replacements arrive and Hawkeye, Margaret and Klinger drive back to the 4077th.  Hawkeye stops short of camp to let Margaret know she is his “favorite officer in the U.S. Army” and Klinger echoes the sentiment.  Klinger replaces his helmet with a woman’s hat, announces he’s ready for the Army again, and the trio make a triumphant entry into camp.

Next dinner, as Trapper & Frank complain about trivial things like the food and coffee, Hawkeye and Margaret silently toast each other over their new-found respect for each other.




Frank (to Trap and Hawk): Will you darn foolskis kindly cut the gabble gabble?


Henry: I’ll pick one
Hawkeye: I don’t trust you, Henry.  You always got something up your sleeve.
Henry: That’s fine.  All right, Father, you pick one.  Uh, you do trust Father Mulcahy?
Hawkeye: It says I should on all my money. If you can’t believe your money who can you believe?


Radar: Are you scared?
Klinger: Nah.  I’m from Toledo.  My mother was mugged bringing me home from the hospital.


Radar: Sir, I’m not feeling too hot.
Trapper: Maybe it’s everything you ate.
Radar: No, sir. Um, the thing of it is, I’m… lonely. It’s so quiet and everything.
Trapper: It’s OK, Radar. You can sleep in Hawkeye’s bunk.
Radar: Really?
Frank: This is an officers’ tent!
Trapper: Try to snore importantly, Radar.
Radar: Yes, sir.
Trapper: And remember, Hawkeye would be very upset if you had an accident in there.
Radar: Oh, yes, sir.
Frank (angry): Is that it? You’re not going to tuck him in? No bedtime story?
Trapper: Radar, do you want me to tuck you in and tell you a bedtime story?
Radar: No, sir.
Trapper: That’s it, Frank.


Hawkeye: Major, I gotta tell you something, but if you repeat this to anyone, I’ll deny it.  You are my favorite officer in the whole U.S. Army (kisses her).
Klinger: Same goes for me, Major.  You’re aces.
Margaret (touched): Thank you, Corporal, doctor.
Hawkeye: I always go for the popcorn when it gets to the mushy part.
Klinger: Right.  (takes off helmet and puts a lady’s hat on)  Ready for the army, again!




Hawkeye mentions having a will in his locker.  He will write a new one in season 10′s “Where There’s a Will, There’s a War”.  I guess he had to update the names, removing Henry, Radar, Frank (?) and Trapper.

Ish Kabibble:  Born Merwyn Bogue, he was a comedian/trumpeter who took his stage name from one of the songs in his routine.  Ish Kabibble is derived from the Yiddish expression “ische ga bibble” which means “What, me worry?”

The Ritz Brothers:  comedic song-and-dance brother act, similar to the Marx Brothers, but never received the same critical acclaim during their time.

Trapper and Hawkeye toss their martini glasses and they’re seen shattering on the Swamp door, but where they were standing and the direction they threw them, they should have landed on Hawkeye’s bunk.

Hawkeye tells Margaret, “I’m not gonna let a woman do that” when she changes the jeep’s tire.  Not something you’d expect from the pro-feminist Alan Alda.

Dever is the medic at the aid station.  Uncredited in this episode, the actor’s name is Tom Dever, so I guess he is playing himself!  He appears in four other episodes of M*A*S*H, including Corporal Boone in season 6′s “Change Day”.  He will show up as an M.P. soon in the first episode of season 4, “Welcome to Korea.”

Margaret tells Hawkeye she’s never cut a man open before, but was operating on patients in season 2′s “Carry on, Hawkeye” when the doctors were laid up with the flu.

We get a rare glimpse into Henry’s office through the window, enabling us to see the wall opposite the window.  We weren’t missing anything – just more file and storage cabinets.

As Hawkeye, Margaret, and Klinger return home to the 4077th, you can see a large antenna or electrical tower way in the background, high in the Malibu hills.

Trapper drinking tea?  Notice when he hangs the tea bag on the post, it falls off.

Most of the Klinger Collection was given away by Radar.  This is the third time Klinger will have to rebuild the Collection (it was also given away during “Cease Fire.”)

Nice touch having the final two closing stills being Margaret and Hawkeye toasting each other.

House Arrest (3×18)

Tuesday, October 30th, 2012

Season 3, Episode 18

Episode #66

Broadcast: 02/04/1975

Written by: Jim Fritzell and Everett Greenbaum

Directed by: Hy Averback


Hawkeye is getting testy during a routine spleen operation.  Margaret is fumble fingers one too many times for his liking and he snaps at her.  When Margaret replies she is nervous because Colonel Reese is coming for an inspection, Hawkeye orders her out of the O.R.  Afterwards, in the scrub room, Hawkeye still shows her no compassion and Margaret demands Frank “defend her honor.”

For some reason, Frank thinks snapping a towel on Hawkeye’s backside is sufficient justice, and even more strangely, the pacifist Pierce nonchalantly decks Frank with a right cross.

Frank wants Hawkeye to face a court-martial, but Henry tries to talk him out of it.  Radar informs them while the accused officer is investigated, he is to be under house arrest.  Hawkeye is not allowed to leave the Swamp and is thrilled at the idea.

Colonel Reese arrives and Margaret shows her to her tent, for they will be bunking together.  Reese meets Frank, who is waiting in Margaret’s tent and sporting a terrific shiner.  Reese guesses correctly Frank is unhappy in marriage and fooling around with Margaret.

Meanwhile, Trapper tells Henry what he witnessed in the scrub room, concocting a story of Frank slipping on a bar of soap and hitting his face on the sink.  Whammo!  Henry goes along with the lie and has Radar write it up.

Hawkeye is enjoying his house arrest, even thanking Frank for slipping on a bar of soap and blaming him for his injury.  Trapper delivers Hawkeye’s dinner:  a water buffalo steak, compliments of the Mess Sergeant as a reward for decking Frank.  Father Mulcahy delivers a POW package, and when he mentions tonight’s movie stars Gene Tierney, Hawkeye asks him to intervene so he doesn’t miss it.  Mulcahy comes through, for the Swamp hosts over 50 people for a special screening of Leave Her To Heaven.

Radar receives a highly-anticipated package in the mail – elevated shoes!  He tries them on and feels like a “real person.”  Frank arrives looking for Henry and is baffled by Radar’s change in appearance.  He can’t quite figure it out (thinks his glasses are new), but Hawkeye immediately notices Radar is three inches taller, and gently advises he get rid of the shoes.

Frank goes to Margaret’s tent during the movie but finds only Colonel Reese, alone and wearing just her robe.  Reese starts massaging Frank’s shoulders as he talks about the stresses in his life.  She brings up his unhappy marriage, softens him up with blackberry brandy, and insinuates that, with her help, Frank could be a Colonel, serving at Walter Reed hospital in Washington, D.C.  Flush with passion, she kisses Frank on the lips just as Margaret walks in.  Reese, caught in the act, hollers rape, causing the whole movie audience to congregate outside Margaret’s tent.

Reese wants charges files, but Hawkeye protests he does not want to share his house arrest with anybody.  A jealous Margaret declares Hawkeye to be innocent, because after all, Frank hit his face after slipping on a bar of soap!

Frank is now under house arrest and is delivered a meal of C-rations by Radar, newly reduced in height.  As Frank wonders how he will explain this to his wife, Hawkeye suggests he tell her he was “waiting for his mistress and got impatient and attacked another woman.”




Radar: The accused is relieved of duty and placed under house arrest.  He can’t leave his tent.
Hawkeye: You mean I just get to stay in and sleep and eat meals and read?
Radar: Yes, sir.
Hawkeye: Take me, I’m yours.  I surrender.  And I’ll fight to the death any chance to set me free.
Frank: You think it’s funny, now, but what are you going to do during your five years in Leavenworth?
Hawkeye: I don’t know, maybe I’ll get married.


Henry: Klinger! It’s four o’clock in the afternoon and you’re still in a housecoat? Put on a dress! You never know who might be coming around.
Klinger: Yes, sir.
Henry: Boy! Boy-o-boy, you gotta stay on top of these guys every second!


Frank:  What does he have for dinner, McIntyre?
Trapper: Hash.
Frank: With a poached egg?
Trapper: That, or an eye was looking out of it.
Frank: That kind of talk tightens my colon.


Henry: All right, now how did Burns get the black eye?
Trapper: When he fell, he hit the sink.
Henry: Whammo!
Trapper: Right!
Radar: Should I write “Whammo”, sir?
Henry: Uh, no, it doesn’t sound too G.I.  Make it…
Trapper: “Socko.”
Henry: Uh, no, no, that’s too Moon Mullins.  Make it “Bam!”


Frank: You still don’t realize you’re under house arrest.  That you are not a free man.  Now, watch this.  [Opens Swamp door]  I can step out, I can step in.  Out.  In.  Out.  In.  That’s a free man!


Hawkeye: Father, you’re the button in the cap of kindness!


Col. Reese: You could take care of the biggest people in the country.  Senators…congressmen…
Frank: G-men?!?
Col. Reese: I can put J. Edgar Hoover’s gallstones right in your pocket.  How does that strike you, Colonel Burns?




We learn the camp librarian is Corporal Stanley Salkowitz.  The only time the camp library has been shown is a brief glimpse during the pilot episode.

Hawkeye says “This kid’s spleen is full of lead from a claymore.”  A claymore is an anti-personnel land mine.

Hawkeye tells Margaret, “Another root canal wizard from Passaic?”  Passaic is a small city in northern New Jersey which just so happens to be Loretta Swit’s birthplace.  And Mitch Albom’s.  And Sherwood Schwartz’s.

I don’t see a bar of soap in the scrub room – looks like the soap is liquid and in bottles.

Leavenworth:  Kansas town home to the largest maximum security federal prison in the U.S.

Sardi’s:  restaurant in New York City famous for the celebrity caricatures adorning its walls.

Why did Reese bunk with Margaret instead of staying in the VIP tent?

Moon Mullins:  comic strip character from first half of 20th century who was always getting into fights

The movie shown in the Swamp is Leave Her to Heaven from 1945.

You hear Henry ask “Are they married?” during the movie, but his lips do not move.

Aga Khan:  religious leader of Ismaili Muslims (Imam) known for his lavish lifestyle

Franks aftershave:  Rough and Ready.

How did Frank know Hawkeye had steak for dinner?  He left the Swamp before Trapper unveiled what it was.

Mary Wickes played Colonel Reese.  She is a film and TV actress with a career spanning seven decades.

The Consultant (3×17)

Saturday, October 27th, 2012

Season 3, Episode 17

Episode #65

Broadcast:  01/21/1975

Teleplay by: Robert Klane

Story by:  Larry Gelbart

Directed by:  Gene Reynolds


Hawkeye and Trapper are off to Tokyo for a medical conference, but golf and geisha take a higher priority.  On the Ginza, they meet Major Anthony Borelli (Robert Alda), a civilian medical consultant with an honorary rank.  Borelli is attending the conference and chides the captains when he learns they’ll be skipping the lectures to chase girls.

Hawkeye and Trapper explain they work at a M*A*S*H unit where technique takes a back seat to speed of service.  Borelli, who has never been to Korea, is invited to the 4077th by Hawkeye and skip the “cozy locker room” of Tokyo.  Borelli declines, citing his experience with the front lines of World Wars One and Two.

Back at camp, Henry is relaxing in a makeshift swimming pool and is joined by Hawkeye and Trapper who proudly admit they skipped the conference.  A lone chopper arrives, producing the Lone Rang…oops, Major Borelli, who obviously changed his mind.

Borelli bunks in the Swamp and Hawkeye and Trapper are genuinely happy he’s chosen to witness the real action of the war.  Wounded arrive and Borelli, not exactly comfortable with front-line conditions, watches the doctors in action.  Frank is about to amputate a leg with serious arterial damage, but Borelli steps in and claims the leg can be saved with an artery transplant.

Radar tracks down an artery for grafting at a British unit sixteen miles away, so Hawkeye and Trapper go pick it up.  Dr. Borelli is paged to perform the surgery, which the medical staff is eager to witness, but he remains holed up in the Swamp.  Irritated by the senseless delay, Hawkeye confronts him and learns Borelli is too “soused” to operate.  Borelli tells Hawkeye he is good enough to perform the operation and he’ll help guide him through it.

A large crowd watches Hawkeye successfully perform the arterial transplant under Borelli’s direction, but Hawkeye gives the Major the cold shoulder, still incensed the doctor would be too drunk to operate.  The two men meet up afterwards in the Swamp, where Hawkeye chastises Borelli for excessive drinking (like he should talk!)  Borelli admits the carnage of war got to him, but gently reminds the Captain he is the one with a still in his tent and wishes him luck on his third war.

Borelli departs via chopper, saying goodbye to Henry, Frank, Margaret and Trapper.  Hawkeye is absent, but shows up at the last second and tips his hat to Borelli, effectively burying the hatchet with the man he realizes he could soon become.




Henry: Drive over to the Swamp.
Radar: Yes, sir!
[Radar peels out, leaving Henry to run after him]
Henry (winded): Radar!
Radar: Gee, sir, why’d you run?  I could’ve driven you.


Hawkeye: I loved a girl in San Francisco once. No, twice.


Hawkeye: Korea is the Detroit of bacteria.


Frank: Major.
Borelli: Honorary. I’m a doctor, not really a major.
Hawkeye: Perfect. Frank’s a major who’s not really a doctor.


Frank:  Well, a person doesn’t have to be an eye doctor to see what’s going on here.
Margaret (ogling Borelli): I don’t know what you’re talking about, Frank.
Frank: Keep drooling down your front, you’ll have to change your bra.


Borelli: I didn’t drink at all in World War I.
Hawkeye: Was liquor invented then?
Borelli: In the second war, I never drank until I was through working.
Hawkeye: One for the road, Doc?  Or two, or three?  Maybe you’d like to take a few home in a doggie bag.
Borelli: Please don’t confuse my explanation for an apology. The place got to me. I wanted to get into the game, but I’d forgotten how rough the game can be.
Hawkeye: Uh-huh.
Borelli: Didn’t you ever have that problem?
Hawkeye:  Not to your degree.
Borelli (points at the still): What’s that you’re leaning on, a bubble gum machine? You have a great many gifts, Doctor, it’s a pity you can’t number compassion among them. I’m suffering from the three sure signs of age: a bit of a spread, gray hair, feet of clay.  I wish you better luck on your third war.




Robert Alda, of course, is the father of Alan Alda.  This was Alda’s first appearance as Doctor Borelli.  He would make appear later in the Season 8 episode “Lend a Hand”.  That episode would also feature Alan Alda’s half brother Anthony.

Radar claims he learned to drive at the bumper cars, but in Season 2′s “Officers Only”, Hawkeye and Trapper intimate they taught the Corporal how to drive.

When Hawkeye and Trapper enter the Officers’ Club on the Ginza, Captain Fox, General Mitchell’s aide, is sitting next to Borelli, but now he’s wearing doctor’s insignia.

Vodka Gibson:  a martini, but with vodka instead of gin

Zombie:  a deceptively powerful drink featuring three types of rum, brandy and fruit juices.  Deceptive because the fruit juices masks the alcohol, it was invented in Hollywood during the 1930′s.

The bar is an Officers’ Club, but there are two Japanese civilians drinking.

“Arigato”:  Japanese for thank you.

Madame Butterfly:  A Puccini opera set in pre-WWI Japan about a doomed marriage of convenience between an American Naval officer and a Japanese teenage girl.

Trapper changes positions in the pool between the time Radar announces the chopper and it’s seen flying overhead.

Hawkeye’s yokel hat, worn frequently in Season 1, makes a return appearance.

The British unit is 16 miles away, but Radar claims a round trip takes “2 to 3 hours.”  That allows a top speed of 16 mph for the jeep ride and i hardly think they were driving that slow.  When Trapper is driving, he’s going 25-30 mph easy.

All the dialogue from the scenes where Hawkeye and Trapper drive to the British unit is overdubbed.  Lip movement is non-existent or doesn’t match the dialogue.

The photo behind the British Major is King George VI.  He was King of the United Kingdom from 1936 to 1952, succeeded on the throne by his daughter, Elizabeth.

Johns Hopkins:  one of the world’s greatest hospitals, it was founded in Baltimore in 1889 from money bequeathed by…Johns Hopkins, a local businessman and philanthropist.

Bulletin Board (3×16)

Friday, October 26th, 2012

Season 3, Episode 16

Episode #64

Broadcast:  01/14/1975

Written by: Larry Gelbart & Simon Muntner

Directed by:  Alan Alda


Henry gives another sex lecture, but instead of trotting out the infamous Figures A and B, the tone of the lecture is self-control.  The Army’s message is Korea is in pretty bad shape already, so don’t add anyone to the population rolls.

Margaret’s younger sister, a Captain, is getting married, so Margaret asks Frank for a $240 loan for a gift.  Frank’s not excited about the idea, saying his money is tied up in newly-purchased war bonds.  He turns down Margaret’s request and she leaves in a huff.

Trapper writes a letter home to his 7-year-old daughter, Becky.  He writes about living in a tent that’s “old and smelly” and sharing it with two doctors who are “young and smelly.”  He briefly describes Frank and Hawkeye, then relates an O.R. story from “last December.”  A wounded soldier was brought in for surgery, but Frank found no pulse and declared him dead.  Lying frozen in a minefield all night, the soldier had hypothermia, which slowed down his blood flow and kept him alive.  Trapper found a faint pulse and started the operation.

A Shirley Temple movie is shown in the mess tent.  Hawkeye tries to convince Radar the diminutive girl is really 42 years old whose growth was stunted with short beds and cigarettes.  Henry can’t enjoy the movie, instead frets over a difficult surgery and eventually gets called back to post-op by Kellye.  Klinger and Zale have the first of their physical altercations, this one over Klinger’s vacated seat after he got up for popcorn.

To lighten the mood around camp, the “First Annual Polly Adler Birthday Cookout, Picnic and Barbecue” is held, but Henry is still distressed with his patient, who was just shipped to Seoul.  The event, with all funds being donated to the Catholic orphanage, is a swinging affair complete with music, food, Hawaiian dancing, an R-rated puppet show, and Klinger selling kisses for a buck.

The carnival atmosphere continues with spoon races where three teams run relays to fill a glass of water with a spoon.  Everyone is involved in the fun – nuns, orphans, corpsmen and nurses – except for Henry who sullenly lurks around the perimeter.

Frank tries to make amends with Margaret by bringing her a helium balloon, but she pops it with a hairpin.  Margaret tells Frank there is no more “us” which causes Frank to buckle and loan her the $240 – provided she sign an IOU and pay 5% interest!  Furious, Margaret chases Frank, who inadvertently runs into the nurses’ foot race and wins black lacy underwear as first prize.

The final event is a tug-of-war between enlisted (Igor, Roy, Zale, Radar, and Klinger) and officers (Henry, Frank, Margaret, Hawkeye and Trapper) over a mud pit.  A total laugh-fest, everyone gets coated in mud and the enlisted have little time to celebrate their victory as wounded arrive and close the festivities.




Trapper: What’s the announcement, Radar?
Radar: A lecture. Colonel Blake’s gonna tell us everything he knows about sex.
Hawkeye: That should be an enjoyable 60 seconds.


Henry: OK, now. The aspect of today’s subject that I’m going to delve on is the US Army’s contribution to birth control.
Trapper: I knew they were gonna ask for contributions.
Hawkeye: I gave at the office.
Henry: Uh, now, each of us here knows why he is in Korea.
(Frank raises his hand)
Henry: Major Burns?
Frank: We are here to stem the red tide, to finish up the commies once and for all. Now everyone with half a mind knows, as I do, that after Germany we should’ve knocked out the Russkies, then clobbered the Chinese, before they forced Chiang Kai-shek and his very beautiful wife off the mainland, to which I for one say they should be unleashed so that they can liberate the real Chinese people and restore the government that America has paid so many millions of dollars to help get.
Klinger: Sir, I thought the lecture was on sex. I didn’t iron my dress to talk politics.
Henry: Sit down, Klinger.
Frank: Now, listen, Corporal…
Henry: You too, Frank.  Now, we’re in Korea by order of the UN, along with 17 other nations, to try to stabilize this country, politically and militarily. We are not here to add to the population. The one thing they don’t need in Asia is more Asians. Many of you have heard me speak on reproduction and VD.
Hawkeye: I’ve got both your albums.


Frank: Bullets cost bucks, mister.
Trapper: I’d like that tattooed on my thigh.


Zale: You wanna remove your hat, lady?
Klinger: How would you like me to remove your teeth?
Zale: Sit down or I’ll make you eat your bra.
Klinger: I only dress like this to get out of the Army.
Zale: You’re too pretty – they’ll never let you go.


Frank: I just can’t do it, Margaret. It just rubs against the grain. “Neither a lender nor a borrower be.”  Polonius.
Margaret: “To give and not count the cost.”  St. Ignatius Loyola.
Frank: “The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last throughout a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money.”  Mark Twain.
Margaret: “Blow it out your ear.” Margaret Houlihan.


Klinger: I’m not doing too great for the orphans, Father.
Mulcahy: No?  How much, so far?
Klinger: Three nurses, three bucks.  I could make more, but you wouldn’t believe what they expect for a dollar.

Frank: What is it, sugar?  Everyone else is having such fun.  I thought we could be in the sack race together.
Margaret: You can just forget about us being in the sack race for awhile.




Alan Alda’s directing debut.

Frank walks away from Trapper and Hawkeye at the bulletin board, muttering Ach, du lieber.  This translates to “Oh, my dear” or “Good heavens.”

Frank quotes a line from William Shakespeare’s Hamlet.  Polonius was the father of Ophelia and the chief counselor of King Claudius.

Saint Ignatius Loyola:  Spanish knight and Catholic priest who founded the Jesuits in 1540.

The Shirley Temple movie shown in the mess tent was The Littlest Rebel.  Contrary to Hawkeye’s claim, Temple was seven years old, not forty two.

Kellye’s position changes when getting Henry from the movie.  In one scene, she is standing right next to him, and next scene she is an arm’s length away.

Polly Adler:  Russian emigrant who operated a Mob-protected bordello in New York City during the 1920′s and 1930′s.

You can see stage lights reflected in the orange balloon Frank gives to Margaret at the barbecue.

Hawkeye says the tug-of-war lineup is based on rank.  It must not pertain to the enlisted team who are lined up Corporal-Corporal-Sergeant-Private-Private.

After Trapper falls in the mud near Hawkeye and Margaret, you can faintly hear Hawkeye say “Loretta, sorry!” to Margaret when he falls against her.

The enlisted win the tug-of-war.  Goldman and Igor are the only participants to escape the mud.

The bulletins read over the P.A. in the tag don’t exactly go together.  Clark Gable and Lady Sylvia Ashley divorced in April 1952 while Eisenhower announced he would go to Korea in late October 1952.

Bombed (3×15)

Friday, October 26th, 2012

Season 3, Episode 15

Episode #63

Broadcast:  01/07/1975

Written by: Jim Fritzell and Everett Greenbaum

Directed by:  Hy Averback


The camp is under intense artillery shelling and have lost a generator, the water tank, and suffered three casualties.  Radar calls HQ to complain, but is told he must be mistaken, for there are no enemy units in the vicinity.  To prove his point, Radar dangles the phone out Henry’s blown-out office window and it promptly gets blown to pieces.

The stress of another O.R. session is compounded by the constant shelling.  Bob Hope is performing a show in South Korea and the audio is piped in to help ease the tension.  It doesn’t help – surgeons’ hands are shaking and nurses are screaming.  Henry and Father Mulcahy are in the latrine when it gets leveled by a shell.  The Father is dazed, but OK, but Henry suffers a busted left arm.

The excitement continues:  a booby-trapped patient is brought into the O.R.  Trapper cuts the wire and Hawkeye quickly tosses the grenade out the window.

Radar tries to call HQ, who seem miffed he “hung up” on them earlier.  HQ admits the 4077th is being shelled – by American artillery!  Unfortunately, HQ cannot redirect the fire because the observation post directing the fire is at the Bob Hope show.

Margaret needs to get in the supply room, but the door is jammed.  Trapper helps her get inside when a shell blast jams the door, trapping them inside (they do call him Trapper, right?)  Margaret breaks down sobbing, but still is able to fend off Trapper’s romantic advances.  They are cuddled under a blanket when Frank and Hawkeye break open the door, which alarms Frank and brings a grin to Hawkeye’s face.

The camp prepares to evacuate.  As the doctors pack, a jealous Frank pesters Trapper about what happened in the supply room.  Trapper says nothing happened, but Frank goes to Margaret’s tent to question her.  She also denies anything happened between them, but jealousy gets the best of Frank and he blurts out a proposal of marriage.  They are immediately interrupted by an artillery shell blast which causes Frank to lose his nerve and flee Margaret’s tent.

More wounded arrive and now Seoul City Sue is on the radio telling American forces their women are cheating on them back home.  Frank is now too distracted to operate, so fearing a botched operation, Hawkeye pulls him aside and admits Trapper tried and failed to get friendly with Margaret.  Emboldened by the news, Frank goes back to his irritating self just as the shelling stops.  Radar turns off the propaganda broadcast and reads a letter from home over the P.A. system, but stops when the shelling resumes.

Later, Margaret comes to the Swamp to speak to Frank about what was “discussed” earlier in her tent.  Frank, now sporting a bad case of cold feet, gets Hawkeye and Trapper to cover for him and tell her he’s not there.  Margaret screams Frank better not welsh out on this, much to the captains’ delight.




Klinger: Hey, hey! Hold it! I heard a moan. Colonel, if you can hear me, knock three times. If you can’t, knock twice.
[Two knocks are heard]
Klinger: Oh, Lord, he’s dead.


Frank: Where did that Costa Rican nurse come from, anyway?
Hawkeye: The U.N.  The little place on the East Side.
Frank: Foreigners!  Why are there so many of them in a war?


[Margaret opens a jammed door]
Trapper: You are strong
Margaret: Where I was raised, every morning we ran naked in the snow.
Trapper: We ran naked in the subway.


Margaret: Doctor, are you hurt?
Trapper: Just the old football injury.
Margaret: Knee?
Trapper: Hemorrhoid. I spent a lot of time on the bench.


Henry: Father, this is a lousy idea. The movie was supposed to take their minds off the shelling.
Father Mulcahy: Lord knows I tried. I sent for The Yearling, a dandy picture about a boy and his pet deer. You see, his mother didn’t want him to keep it, but they became very emotionally attached.
Henry: I know. I know. My cousin Floyd had the same thing with a goat. So what happened to The Yearling?
Father Mulcahy: Well, the jeep was hijacked by some Buddhist monks.
Henry: Monks?
Father Mulcahy: Well, the driver told me they’d all gotten haircuts that day and wanted to celebrate.


Frank:  McIntyre keeps hinting that something went on, Margaret.
Margaret: We were exhausted. We slept. I told you.
Frank: How can you wash your hair on a time like this?
Margaret: Well, if I’m goin’ out, I’m goin’ out with a clean scalp.
Frank: I don’t understand what a woman could see in that man anyway. Egotistical smart aleck. He didn’t even study medicine in his own state.
Margaret: Frank, he does have a certain je ne sais quoi.
Frank: I should have known he’d talk dirty to you in Spanish.


Radar: (on the PA system) Radar here. There’s nobody on the radio now except Seoul City Sue so I figured I’d keep you entertained by reading a letter from my mom. Here goes. (clears throat) “Dear son. I got your lovely letter. You certainly asked a lot of questions. About the car – you may. About Jennifer next door – yes.  About Eleanor Simon – she did once or twice, but not too much.  About your uncle Albert – no on drinking, yes on AA.  About the dog, Leon – three times in the bedroom, once under the washer and twice on the cat.”  Test… testing.  “About the cat – we don’t have one any more.




About 1:20 into the episode, barrels are shown exploding from shell fire and they ignite the tent.  Not sure is that was planned or not.

Henry attributes “You have nothing to fear but fear itself” to Eleanor Roosevelt, but her husband, President Franklin Roosevelt said this during his first inaugural speech in 1933.

Sanchez’s first Spanish outburst is “Es que me tiemblan las manos, doctor.  Los tiros, no estoy acos tumbrada” which loosely translated is “My hands are shaking, doctor.  I’m not used to the shots.”

The North Korean is placed on table #2 in the O.R.  Hawkeye is going to operate on him, but quickly leaves to tend to Henry and tells Margaret to “debride the wound.”  When Hawkeye returns, table #2 is now empty.

This marks the second time Henry gets blasted in a latrine (Cowboy 1×08)

There is a mystery surgeon in the O.R. working table #4.

Since when do the O.R. windows have glass in them?  Hawkeye’s grenade toss out the window breaks what looks like glass and the sound of glass breaking is heard.

Sanchez’s second Spanish outburst is “Ay! Yo tengo miedo!  Yo no estoy acostumbrada a esos tiros.  Soy muy joven, no quiero morir.”  She is saying “I am afraid!  I am not used to those shots.  I’m too young, don’t want to die.”

Henry says, “I got teeth like Terhan Bey.”  Terhan Bey was an Austrian actor known as “The Turkish Delight” for his exotic good looks.  He was a leading movie actor in the 1940′s.

Klinger sees Trapper and Margaret leave to go to the supply room when the three of them are in Henry’s office, but when asked later where Margaret is, he only says he saw her running across the compound with Trapper.

The Yearling:  1946 movie with Gregory Peck and Jane Wyman about a boy who adopts a fawn as a pet.

When Hawkeye and Trapper leave the supply room, Trapper says “Evacuate to where?”.  His lips continue to move but you don’t here him say anything.

When Frank questions Trapper in the Swamp about Margaret, he is wearing white scrub pants.  Next scene, he questions Margaret in her tent and is now wearing green uniform pants.

Mantovani:  Annunzio Mantovani was an orchestra conductor of lush instrumentals with an emphasis on strings.

How do Frank and Margaret hold hands during the pledge of allegiance?  You’re supposed to have your right hand on your chest, so one of them had to go lefty.

That’s director Hy Averback announcing the closing credits on the Bob Hope radio broadcast.  He identifies himself.

Seoul City Sue:  Anna Wallis, an American who was a missionary in Korea.  Trapped in Seoul when the North Koreans invaded in 1950, she was pressed into broadcasting anti-American propaganda.

One of, if not the first time we hear the familiar M*A*S*H cliche that goes something like “You hear that?”, “No, I don’t hear anything.”, “Yeah, the shelling stopped.”

Radar’s mom tells him they don’t have a cat anymore, but last episode, Radar said they have 16 cats.